Of course, I should have plenty to say about the unbelievable O-M-G the stars are aligning candidacy of Madam Vice President Kamala Harris, because GAAAAH is it not the very raison d'etre for this blog in the year of our Lord 2024??? Especially after the year I've had so far?
(I actually posted about this the other day on the Facebook page. Apparently, the mental block I have when I post on that platform doesn't create as much anxiety as every attempt to write here on my own space since March, but I'm still trying. It's been a struggle and a minute, and I can't say for sure if this effort will be any more successful than my other futile attempts. But this is one of those times when the topic compels me to give it the old college try, because What the Entire FUCK??!!)
If everyone has already scrapped their ruined BINGO cards for the year, let's admit that between the 34 convictions and counting, the first debate, that brazen assassination attempt, and Biden's Hail Mary baton pass, this year in politics has been bonkers! We always have some lunatic fringe politicos on the sidelines, ably represented this year by Cornel West, Jill Stein, and Marianne Williamson, but NO ONE could have predicted that the would-be heir apparent to a prominent family dynasty, a freaking Kennedy no less, would provide us with thee most absurd fuckery to occur in this election cycle (and that is saying more than a lot). I mean, who goes out of their way to become the punchline of every late note monologue when JD Vance is right there, waiting to jerk off in your sofa cushions?
Can somebody leak the Kennedy family group chats because there's got to be more...
I have so many thoughts floating around in my head and as I already alluded to, as a woman hearing this story in this particular election year, given everything that brought us to this moment, it is maddening. If I were Kamala Harris, the way I would be cussing folks out from here to hell and back over the way they keep trying to slut-shame her, Nannygate Doug, and arrange marriages of convenience for her--while this Kennedy meaux faux gets away with a gotdamn prank on the City of New York, has a moth-eaten brain, is apparently besties with Roseanne Barr, and IS STILL IN THIS RACE??!!
Since I can't type this entire piece in all caps, do me a favor and imagine the voice of Jeffrey, Alfred, or Jeeves in your head to help convey how appalled and verklempt I am by all of this sexist hypocrisy. Shall we proceed?
Let's begin with the fact that Master Robert is a political nepo baby. I wouldn't normally embrace the use of that term as I think it minimizes the work of public service. We are a nation that was built on family businesses and that includes political family dynasties, dating back to the founding Adams family to the Roosevelts, the Bushes, of course the Kennedys. The fact that Master Robert is banking on his name to launch a political career in his 70s notwithstanding, there is nothing wrong with answering the noble call to serve the public in elected office. Heck, even the folks who marry into that family end up in the family business, Arnold Schwarzeneggar being the prime example. With the notable exception of Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, eldest of the RFK brood, most of the women choose alternative forms of public service--philanthropy, media, having more babies...
Since I mentioned her, it is important to highlight the career of Master Robert's older sister Kathleen, as she had her own bright moment in politics years ago as the sixth Lt. Governor of Maryland. I happen to know a little bit about that since I live next door in DC. From what I recall, she did a decent job of not dying while Parris Glendening served his two terms, but she didn't get to ascend to higher office, so we find ourselves in an interesting loop where history rhymes and spits bars. But we'll revisit that topic another time.
Let's now turn to the second point, which is given that Master Robert is the namesake son of a former US Attorney General, as well as the nephew of a former US President and long-time US Senator, his decision to finally enter politics in his 70s has been based on just that--being born a male Kennedy. He literally woke up one day and decided, hey what else am I doing for the next few months...maybe I should run for President. And with the arrogance of a dude who decided in his 70s that he could provide an alternative choice to the two other old white guys, it is only his name that he has to offer. I'm sure that he has strongly held opinions on a variety of policy matters, but other than his past vocal stance against vaccinations at the height of a global pandemic, I don't buy that anybody was asking him to run for anything.
In all fairness, Master Robert isn't just some random billionaire playboy environmentalist vigilante--he's an old money millionaire. Which is cool, because we want to see rich white guys pitching in to help save the world. And no knocks on arrogance since that is what it takes to get into politics in the first place. How else are we supposed to explain why the reality show con man keeps running for the same job?
Which brings me to my third point--all of the talk about qualifications. To be clear, Master Robert isn't unqualified to run for President, nor was pre-felon Donald Trump for that matter. Running for office usually doesn't require much more than meeting the minimal Constitutional requirements plus the self-delusion to believe that one might competent enough to do the job. The problem for me, as a woman observing all of this, is in watching people (y'all) come up with every excuse imaginable to suggest that Kamala Harris (or any other woman) has to be extraordinarily qualified just to throw her heel in the ring. As compared to whom: the guy whose uncle was President 60+ years ago or the guy who helped bankrupt Atlantic City?
All of the chatter and gossip about Kamala Harris only being a contender because of whom she once dated is exactly just that--chatter and gossip. Because if we aren't chattering that Master Robert is only worth paying attention to because of his name or gossiping about how many women had the displeasure of sleeping with Donald Trump to get nowhere, then these aren't serious conversations.
Point four--are y'all serious? I mean, are you seriously thinking that a man like Master Robert, who has been living the life of Riley all of these years...wait, what am I saying since that's how we got Trump! Nah, Imma say it because some of you act like choosing the President is akin to buying shoes. Sure, anything that covers your feet is a valid consideration, but there are other reasons why you need to give the matter more thought than, oh well what the heck! Given the state of the world...or just the number of people who lost loved ones during COVID, tell me with a straight face that you trust Trump or Master Robert to guide us? To manage another pandemic, God forbid? Upon hearing his version of that bear story, this is the guy who ought to have the nuclear codes since his quick thinking is what got him out of the most ridiculous of sitcom-y scenarios that not even Roseanne Barr could have written it! (Side note: Remember how the original Roseanne [1988-1997] gave us the most absurd final season? She helped to write that...)
Finally, because I am a woman taking copious notes, I have to point out that it only takes one stupid mistake to disqualify a woman from major opportunities whereas missteps, outright lies, bankrupting corporations, conspiracies, felony convictions, etc., serve to burnish some men's credentials. How else do I explain to my daughter why South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem, who after admitting to shooting her own dog, was immediately disqualified from being considered for the VP slot? Or how Ambassador Nikki Haley, who made an impressive showing in her Presidential bid, wasn't vetted for the VP slot either because she dared to challenge Trumpelthinskin and lost. Should we revisit all of the petty reasons why folks were unenthusiastic about Secretary Hillary Clinton, and how their choice to stay home in 2016 got the schoolyard bully elected?
In this moment when our daughters are watching and listening, what are we telling them by demanding that a qualified woman has to prove her fitness to lead by debating a pair of spoiled frat boys? Because if you brush off that bear story as no big deal or just a harmless joke, then perhaps you aren't serious. Assuming that everything Master Robert alleged is true: finding a baby bear carcass that "another driver" hit; forgetting that it was in his car for an entire day; dumping it in Central Park; and then remaining silent for 10 years to avoid paying a $250 fine--what about that says you know what, that guy deserves a shot at being Leader of the Free World? $250 is probably less than what he dropped on dinner for himself at Peter Luger's Steak House. He spent more on that first-class ticket to wherever he flew off to that night, not including the overnight parking at the airport. The bike he left behind to help stage the murder scene cost more than $250.
Thirty years ago, Kamala Harris (at age 30) dated an older man who helped her professionally. I'm sure that she would characterize that as a youthful indiscretion and knowing what she knows now, she probably regrets it. Ten years ago, Master Robert (age 60) killed that bear cub, didn't follow the state regulations for reporting it, and only came forward with this cockamamie story to get ahead of an unflattering magazine profile. To make matters worse, in his confession to Roseanne Barr, he didn't sound the least bit contrite for having caused a panic over the prospect of black bears running wild through Manhattan nor about the costs the city incurred to investigate his prank. Instead, his campaign forged ahead to submit signature petitions to get on the ballot in Maryland and four other states.
If you're reading this and thinking, lighten up Busy Black Woman, I have to warn you that is no different than telling a woman to smile. Or intentionally ignoring the harm of unchecked privilege by mischaracterizing my reaction as that of a humorless shrew. I've been accused of that enough times to know it is yet another form of weaponized sexism aimed at women who just want to be taken more seriously than these attention-seeking man-babies. Because if you could imagine what it must be like to be older sister Kathleen right now, watching her younger brother--the golden child blessed with the name, the face, and an endless reservoir of potential--squander it ALL because he's an effing idiot...
If you can imagine what that's like, then this bear story ain't remotely funny and you're annoyed beyond words that Master Robert Francis Fuckup, a gotdamn Kennedy man who doesn't even want to be President, is out here wasting our time and more taxpayer money with this masturbatory flirtation, helping to facilitate the end of democracy as we know it! What alternative viewpoints or issues does he bring to the table? What marginalized or historically disenfranchised communities does he champion by persisting in this quixotic lark given that he was willing to betray them all for a Cabinet position in a potential Trump Administration?
Look, I'm done venting. Because if you still think that 70-year old playboy who feels so entitled to do whatever whenever to whomever because of his name, his face, and his family's money deserves serious consideration for the most important job in the world, then you won't be convinced that this is just another elaborate prank.
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