Make Up Your Mind!

If you are reading this and are STILL undecided about who will get your vote for President, I'm guessing you are the same kind of person who stands in front of the menu at McDonald's and thinks about what to order. Seriously, as if there are real options being presented. 

So I am not clear why this is such a hard decision. Either you vote for the current DESPOTUS and all of his bullshit, or you vote for Biden and all of his malarkey. Even if you have never tried malarkey, you have tried the orange one's special blend of Grade A premium BS, so you already know what you are getting. You can have it sauteed, fried, baked, blanched, grilled, poached, sous vide...and it will still be shit. As for malarkey, the same cooking methods might yield similar results, but at least it won't be shit.

This is 2020, and life has been coming at us fast. Decisions need to be made before the next disaster, which could be at any moment. Wildfires burning, hurricanes blowing, white folks rioting in the streets, and this DESPOTUS is out here spreading COVID like Halloween candy. Do you really need more time to decide?

You need to be convinced that there is a lesser of two evils because as far as you can tell, both parties are the same? That there is no daylight between the two candidates? One is the devil you know, and the other you don't? Okay, then there really isn't anything I can say that will offer any clarity. You're going to have to figure this out for yourself, like those word problems we encountered on the SAT. However, there is a right answer, and I am going to do something that is uncharacteristic, but necessary to make this point: let's watch this political ad from the current DESPOTUS and chat afterwards. 

Ok, so you have a few common talking points that you've heard ad nauseum and apparently, quite a few regular folks willing to appear on camera with their support. The key issues that always get mentioned are: (1) his support for HBCUs; (2) his bill that ended mass incarceration; and (3) his economic policies that brought Black unemployment to historic lows. And in the spirit of goodwill and telling the truth to shame the devil, I will concede that there are minuscule kernels of truth to be found in each of those talking points. That is until that fourth talking point gets tossed into the mix--that he has done more for African Americans than any other President, save for Abraham Lincoln...the record scratch moment when it should become clear that those small kernels are just candy corn placebos.

When the Occupant touts his support for HBCUs, he typically flashes that Oval Office photo of him surrounded by the various Presidents, almost all of whom accepted his invitation to the White House in the early days of his Regime. And that was truly historic and a memorable photo opportunity, which resulted in an executive order that moved somebody's office cubicle from the Department of Education to the Old Executive Office Building. The First Step Act was a bipartisan effort that has led to the release of 3,000 federal inmates, including Alice Johnson, who spoke at the RNC and has become the face of the legislation. Meanwhile, of the more than 10,000 who should have been eligible for compassionate release due to COVID-19, 156 were granted and only 11 were released. Black and Latinx unemployment before the pandemic was historically low; now it is high again and the President refuses to negotiate for more relief (unemployment, small business loans, etc.) until after the election.

Yeah, we can invoke all of Joe Biden's myriad sins from his alliance with segregationist Senator James Eastland (D-MS), to his mistreatment of Anita Hill, to the infamous1994 Crime Bill, to his clumsy statements about Blackness in an interview with Charlamagne tha God. He's imperfect. Kamala Harris has her own issues with her record as a prosecutor and that ridiculous interview, also with Charlamagne tha God (have we accepted that he is problematic), which makes her slightly less than perfect as well. But since we're talking about devils we know, the current DESPOTUS is the same man who: (1) along with his Dad refused to rent to Black people; (2) called for the death penalty against five teenagers who gave coerced confessions; (3) called Mexican immigrants rapists and criminals, separated them from their children, whom he had put in cages; (4) instituted a travel ban from countries with predominantly Muslim populations; (5) restricted immigration from African, Caribbean, and South American shithole countries; (6) sides with suburban racists and calls them good people; and (7) has repeatedly disrespected and dehumanized women who challenge him, most recently Gretchen Whitmer and Kamala Harris, whom he called a monster.

On my personal Facebook page, I compared the President to the scorpion in the fable about it and the trusting frog. The natural conclusion is that this man will not only sting us because it is his nature, but he will do so because he doesn't care. He has brought this country to the nadir of its modern existence because he doesn't care. He has become Patient 0 and believes it is one of his enumerated constitutional powers as President to infect as many people as he sees fit because he doesn't care. Alternatively, there is his Vice President, whom I liken to the biblical snake from the Garden of Eden. Mike Pence is so unassuming that he slithers in under the radar through cracks and crevices. He seems harmless, but because he is charming and cunning, he lulls you into a sense of false complacency. Then he strikes--his bite just as painful, his venom just as poisonous and lethal.

Those are your choices. If you are still unconvinced, maybe there is some kind of forum where the two candidates can talk through their differences with a moderator to keep time and to enforce previously agreed upon guidelines. Yeah...we'd be better off if they thumb wrestled.

Actually, we'll be better off once Doug Emhoff rolls up to Mar-a-Lago with his Secret Service detail, while Barack Obama and Daddy Harris watch the door and wait their turn. Better yet, I'll put my money on Jill Biden because Melania Antoinette and Lady Ivanka would never, and nobody is scared of Lil Donnie, Jared, or Eric. We don't need Uncle Joe to do anything but smile, but we do need you to make up your mind and VOTE.