Alright, I waited a respectable amount of time and went back to revisit some of what I missed in the three hours I turned away from the extravaganza that was Aretha Franklin's funeral, so here it is y'all, the Busy Black Woman's Tea Party. Do you have your hat, your snacks, and a little something to give it some zing? Take your time to assemble your necessities and then come back ready to indulge!1. We are not comparing funerals!
Don't come for me with any nonsense about how the white folks put Sen. John McCain away with solemnity and how we sent Aretha away with a parade. I know. Sometimes that's how it is done, and if you need a primer on Black funerals after having seen Imitation of Life or having sat through the marathons that celebrated the lives of Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King, then you need to go on and follow Marc Lamont Hill (who felt the need to explain this on BET of all places). We. Ain't. Got. The. Time. For. That.
Look, this same issue has been noted and debated in the past, but the black delegation decided that it would not give in to the pressure of abridging these celebrations if that's what folks want. And y'all knew that once the lineup was released with a tentative schedule that ran six hours long, this wasn't about to be no sedate funeral.
And furthermore, Senator McCain has had, by my count, four (4) funerals, including military rites and whatnot. If all of that had occurred in one day, then his service would have been about four or five hours too...
2. President Obama can go where he wants!
So the former President didn't go to Aretha's Homegoing, but he went and spoke at one of John McCain's memorial services and some of y'all are mad at him about that. Well you can stay mad. The man is a private citizen and can chose whether he wants to blow an entire day in Detroit, or whether he can spare a few hours in DC. He earned that right.
I have it on good information that the Franklin family decided to extend an invitation to the Clintons because of their long-standing relationship (and the fact that Clinton gave her a National Arts Medal), and that the Obamas stayed away so as not to overshadow the Clintons. So this was all arranged and decided beforehand, so go on and focus on who else wasn't there.
3. A Whole Lot of Folks Weren't There
But I doubt that any of you plan to hold that against them. Mary J. Blige wasn't there. Patti LaBelle wasn't there. Beyonce wasn't there. The Winans weren't there. Thankfully Madonna wasn't there. Shall I go on?
Gladys Knight wasn't even slated to be on the program (she sang the night before at the tribute concert), but she stepped up as the warm up for Stevie, who arrived in time to end the services on a high note before he had to roll out for his next concert gig in Massachusetts last night.
4. That Eulogy
My Dad called me when Rev. Williams was about two minutes into his message, and by the time we finished talking, the Reverend went on for at least another fifteen minutes. I haven't been willing to sit for a full replay because I heard more than enough.
Don't come at me with any explanations about what I missed from his sermon because I have heard so many versions of that same tired message and there is no new spin or fresh take that I need. I don't know why Aretha asked him to preach her eulogy after there had already been seven hours of more appropriate tributes offered, and I won't speculate about her beliefs. I just know that it is entirely consistent that some folks will leave a black funeral pissed about something, so there you go.
5. Don't Try It
Don't lay Big Mama out in a gold coffin. Don't rent a specialized hearse. Don't order a fleet of pink Cadillacs. Don't get up there to sing if that ain't your ministry. Don't have a three-day wake with wardrobe changes. And even if you have the money to pay for any of the aforementioned nonsense, don't die without a will.
6. Unless Otherwise Instructed, Wear Black
But for the love of God, so that no one spends several days discussing the length of your hemline as a defense to your being felt up by the presiding Bishop...
And that applies to the men in attendance as well. Was Bill Clinton wearing a purple suit???
7. Cicely Tyson Can Do Whatever She Wants
She can wear a hat that looks like it came from the set of the Flying Nun. She can give a spontaneous performance piece (an adaptation of When Malindy Sings) that nobody expected. She can perform that piece with such passion that we didn't notice that she didn't have it memorized. She can do anything!
8. So we have discussed almost everything else, but Ronald Isley...and Faith Hill.
9. Correct the Record
Aretha Franklin did not record for Motown, so she was not part of that label's fabled Golden Era during the 60s. I know that we want her to have been a part of that history as she was friends with many of those artists, namely Smokey Robinson. But somehow, I don't see Aretha being content to playing second fiddle to Diana Ross (#ijs).
10. Pray for the Family
In the end, after we have had our fun we must consider the loss felt by this family. For all of the enjoyment we the public got from experiencing that extravaganza, there are her loved ones for whom that was one of the most unimaginable experiences of their lives. In that casket was a mother, a grandmother, an auntie, a best friend. It was a privilege that we were allowed to witness her celebration of life. In the weeks to come, when we have moved on with our lives, let's remember their generosity and pray for their comfort and strength.
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