Some Unsolicited Advice

The BBW has noticed that more than a few folks out there are getting hitched this year.  Mazel!  Since I am not going to be able to attend all of your fancy shindigs (sorry Will and Kate, I just can't make it to London on such short notice), I thought that I would still send a gift in the form of some advice.

Now I know that you brides-to-be are sick of us well-meaning old married ladies trying to tell you about how the toilet seat will never be down and how that pile of dirty socks in the middle of your bedroom will not wash itself.  Well, tough!  I know you think your marriage will be different because your guy is considerate and would never blah, blah blah...and this is where I need to shake you out of your chiffon and butter cream frosting delusions.

Change is inevitable, but he will not be the one doing the changing.  Your relationship will change and more than likely, you will change.  But HE WILL NEVER CHANGE!  All of those annoying habits that he has will only intensify and in proportion, your annoyance with him over those bad habits will be the direct cause of the changes you will undergo.  But to make you happy, he will compromise.  He will not wash the dishes the way you like, but he will buy paper plates.  He may not put the toilet seat all the way down and he will not wash his own dirty socks, but at some point he will buy a new car.  So you see, it will all even out.

A Little Happiness

I have not done a list like this in a while, so here are a few things that are making me very happy right now (in addition to my freshly painted emerald green toes :)

On to the Next Thing

So I am very excited about some new ideas and plans on the horizon for what I am now calling the BBW Movement! And it all starts this Spring with the official launch party to celebrate the blog.

Normally, I would have pooh-poohed something like this, but a very good friend and loyal supporter who knows about these things suggested that I should have a shindig to introduce the world to the madness that is my life.  Well, most of you already know how insane my life is at times, so instead of having a party to tell folks that I am writing about all the stuff I do, I am having a party to put into practice one of the suggestions I made at the outset of this endeavor.

Hence, there is a method to my madness...

I have friends that I want to see.  Our schedules have been crazy hectic these past few months.  And since I am still nowhere near having the house presentable for guests, then the next best thing is to host a gathering somewhere else.  So it can be a blog launching party-slash-get together among my friends and readers.

There are several other things I want to highlight as we move into a new BBW phase.  The first is that I have been tweaking the blog layout and have added a few new features, such as my Contact and Upcoming Events pages (so that this will actually start to look like a real website).  I still need to get into adding pictures and video, but one baby step at a time!  I have added to my blog roll, and would love to add a few more so please send me recommendations.  I will be working to connect with other women bloggers so one day I might even feature a guest blogger.  And I have several other ideas that I will reveal in a few weeks, so stay tuned!

Alright, now that it is already tomorrow, and I have another BBW weekend for which to prepare, I 'm going to get some sleep.

Dude, Where is my Flying Car?

Saturday was a classic BBW day for me.  A drop off in the morning, followed by an event, then another, then rehearsal, and then another drop off.  A retreat to the bed for an hour of TV followed by a late dinner, then the big crash around 11pm.  There are likely to be several more days like this in the very near future.

Not that I am complaining, but I am just putting it out there.

I am going to complain, however, that the technology I need to keep all of this going has yet to be invented and quite frankly, I am getting impatient.  Since I am old enough to remember what life was like back when we could only imagine what life would have been like in the new millennium...before all of that Y2K hysteria, I am wondering whatever happened to all of those inventions that were supposed to improve daily living?

Like the flying car.  I so could have used one of those on Saturday when I was zig-zagging my way back and forth across town, but in general, I needed it like yesterday when my life first began to get this complicated. 

I am still waiting on my robot assistant.  Yes, I have a smart phone and it does a lot of cool stuff, like sending me little reminders, keeping all of my phone numbers, and allowing me access to my email on the go...but it does not actually do anything I really need like my laundry.  Useless!

Never Enough Shoes

So I bought another pair of black pumps today...and I anticipate that the husband (if he notices) will pose the inevitable question: how many pairs of shoes does a woman need?

Of course, every woman knows that is a rhetorical question.  In fact, rumor is that was the original riddle of the Sphinx.

The BBW has a lot of shoes because I need to have options.  Like most women, I have specific categories of shoes that serve different purposes.  There are athletic shoes, casual shoes, dressy shoes for work, special occasions shoes, sandals and boots.  If I were to estimate how many pairs, I would put the number at 40...with a caveat to give or take five pairs (not including flip flops, dance shoes and bedroom slippers).  Compared to a lot of women I know, I am barely competitive.

Spring Fever

It is just about that time and I have mixed feelings about the approach of Spring.  In addition to my allergies...I am not looking forward to this crazy BBW schedule I have lined up for the next few weeks.  Can I get a vacation already?

Has anyone else noticed how we are already at the tail end of March?  Why didn't February feel this short?

It does not help that I am suffering through an extended version of the Winter blahs.  Like everyone else, I was over the cold weather weeks ago, but I need an adjustment period.  It is 60 degrees outside but I still like wearing my comfy flannel pajamas and sweats.  And another thing...just as I was trying to develop some better habits, like getting up a little earlier, the clocks sprung forward and now my body is refusing to cooperate.

The one silver lining is that my winter accessories clearly need the break: I lost a glove while in NYC a couple of weeks ago; the zipper on my jacket got off track and I refuse to pay $55 to get it replaced when I could just buy another coat; the heel is about to give up the ghost on my favorite pair of boots; I am so over wearing tights; and my pashmina is starting to smell stale.  And it would be nice to drive around without the heat on (of course I dare not open the windows if I intend to keep breathing).

Eat More Salad

(Here is an example of something that should have taken me an hour...but took two days instead).

So the other day was Ash Wednesday, and the BBW has decided to compile a list of new habits to develop over the next 40 days (give or take two).  Now, a few months ago I pooh-poohed the whole idea of adopting new and/or better habits based on the switch to a new calendar, and well, I am not exactly rethinking my position...I am just evolving.  Quite frankly, my life feels a little messy and perhaps it just seems as if Lent arrived right on time to save me before things got too chaotic.  So I am going to make use of these next 6 weeks to figure how I can become a better, more improved BBW:

1. Just say No - This one requires a little practice so here goes: No I cannot come to that meeting.  No I cannot join this committee.  No I cannot afford another ticket to another activity.  No I do not agree with you.  No I have not had enough to drink yet.

2. Do better on time - This one is going to be hard, because lately, every BBW activity has been starting at 8am.  So instead of hitting the snooze button and lying to myself about how long it will take me to get ready, perhaps I need to admit the truth...I am always going to be at least 15 minutes late.

3. Adopt the "more or less" rule - I got this one from a wise man named Uncle B, so I am not going to drink/spend/sleep/promise/yell any more or less than I did last year. 

4. Enjoy the moment - I am always thinking about my next move, but instead of spending so much time planning ahead, I need to stop to occasionally smell the roses.  Well, it is almost allergy season, so maybe I need to stop to get better drugs first.

5. Eat more salad - I also need to drink more water, walk more miles and get more sleep because I need to look good at all of my upcoming Spring engagements.

Even the BBW Gets the Blues

This has been a trying week for me...nothing major went wrong and I am not sick or anything like that, but I have not been myself.  From Monday to Friday, it sucked to be me.

Every now and then, the BBW needs to admit when it gets too much to be a BBW.  There are days when you just want to stay in bed and watch really bad daytime TV, eat fast food, drink too much cheap wine and pray that the morning regrets will motivate you to improve so as not to repeat the same bad pattern...

And so, when that did not happen, I just had to confess that my blues are the culmination of being too busy.  Too busy to process what is happening in the world and in my own family.  Or of using the excuse of being too busy to take the time to accept the changes that are going on around me.  And finally realizing that it is high time that I admit that being too busy is NOT always a good thing.

Yesterday I was speaking to a relative and she said the one thing that I needed to hear--she had my back.  And while she could not see the tears, I have a feeling that she knew they were flowing.  Her kindness was just overwhelming and just so appreciated.

To my fellow Busy Black Women, there will be days like this...but you do not need to carry the weight of your world on your shoulders.  It is okay to be less than perfect.  It is okay to pay someone to do the stuff you do not feel like doing.  It is ok to take two days to finish something that could have been completed in an hour.  It is ok to let someone else try their way of doing things even if you believe that your way is better.  It is ok to delegate a task and then back the heck off to give the person space to do the job.  Woosah!

And while I could spend the rest of today beating myself up over this lost week, I will give myself permission to let it go and to strive to do better next week.  Besides, I have a typical BBW weekend ahead of me. 

Pump It Up

I am a little late, but based on all of the Facebook and Twitter updates, I would say that the word is definitely out, and that despite the rain, there are plenty of women who are rocking red pumps today in honor of National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day!

In case you forgot, no worries!  Just remember to mark your calendar for next March 10.  If you do not have a pair of red pumps...shame on you, but again, you now have an entire year to make the necessary wardrobe adjustments.

So, what is that point?  Well, we are trying to raise awareness to the facts about HIV and AIDS among women.  Did you know that every 9 and a half minutes, someone in the United States gets infected with HIV?  Think about that...in the time that it takes to watch a segment of your favorite sitcom (between commercial breaks)...For women and girls, the statistics are particularly grim, especially for those between the ages of 25 and 44--HIV infection is the leading cause of death for black and Latina women in that demographic!

What can you do?  Well, the first thing is to know your status if you are sexually active.  The second thing to do is to learn how to protect yourself.  The third thing is to share the information about preventing HIV infection to others.  Four, support organizations that are on the frontlines in the fight against HIV.

Need resources?  Check out the Office of Women's Health for more info. 

Yoga is Not Relaxing

Side note: I re-read my previous article and I hope no one thinks I am a drug addict (a la Debbie Allen when she guest starred on a very special two-part "Good Times" as JJ's fiancee).  I just would like to find my makeup bag, that is all...

The stress of which offers a great segue for me to complain about my yoga class.  The one that I missed yesterday, but oddly do not feel so bad about since I was dreading it anyway.  The yoga class that is supposed to help lower my cholesterol (which it has not) and that is supposed to bring me namaste for an hour (which it does not). 

Yoga sucks!  There I said it.  So all of you New Age om-chanting psychos can go kick rocks!

Backtrack: The husband and I decided to take up yoga in 2009 after a particularly stressful time period in both of our lives.  It was my duty to research the local yoga scene to select the most appropriate class since we were both beginners.  To the uninitiated, finding a yoga studio is relatively easy in this city since its latest incarnation as the East Coast San Francisco.  We have bike lanes, coffee shops, free wi-fi and organic food available in practically every neighborhood, so you would be hard pressed not to find a yoga studio. 

Project Meltdown

I need to make a confession--sometimes I lose it.  And folks, there ain't nothing pretty about it!  I know this flies in the face of everything you have come to think about the BBW because part of my job is to make it look like everything is flawless.  Yet, there are times when life gets the best of me and well, it sucks to be in the path of my hurricane.

Take this past weekend for example.  The husband and I had plans to attend a party and all I had to do was get ready in two hours.  Simple enough since I already knew what I was going to wear, right?  Wrong.  Ten minutes prior to our scheduled departure, two crucial aspects of my outfit went missing:

The earrings I wanted to wear and my makeup bag.

Now, the makeup bag had actually gone missing the day before and after a search of the car and a call to my brother to see if he had found it at his house since that was the last place I recalled seeing it (to which he claimed in the negatory, despite the fact that I know it is at his house if he would just look for it), I had to scramble to pull together a look from my backup stash.  The horror!  Of course, the issue was not that I had to use the backup stash (remember, a BBW is always prepared); it was the stress of not knowing whether my makeup bag would be found.  My brother probably thought that it was no big deal that I took the time to text him, call him twice and then tear my car apart, but I think it should have been obvious that locating this little bag was vital to my ongoing sanity.  I know that he is busy with my precious Baby Niece, but still...I NEED MY MAKEUP BAG!!!